


Lost children (and Peanut Butter)

by Fleur_de_Violette



Series: Whumptober (more like hurt/comfortober-november-december) 2020 [12]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Cats, Damian Wayne Gets a Hug, Damian Wayne Needs a Hug, Dick Grayson Gets a Hug, Dick Grayson Needs a Hug, Dick Grayson is a Good Brother, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Mentioned Bruce Wayne, Mentioned Talia al Ghul, Scarecrow's Fear Toxin (DCU), Whumptober 2020, abandoned, mentioned canon character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 06:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28346634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fleur_de_Violette/pseuds/Fleur_de_Violette
Summary: After a run-in with fear toxin, Dick finds Damian hidden in one of the smallest rooms of the manor. With him is a cat Selina asked him to look after.The animal isn’t the only one who feels they’ve been left alone.Whumptober day 8 – Abandoned
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Damian Wayne
Series: Whumptober (more like hurt/comfortober-november-december) 2020 [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1984960
Comments: 4
Kudos: 142





	Lost children (and Peanut Butter)

**Author's Note:**

> Talia Al Ghul is a complicated character who deserves better. I’m basing her on “The Resurrection of Ra’s Al Ghul” here. This Talia killing Damian would be very out of character, so while I implied that Damian did die and came back to life in this story, I left her out of it. 
> 
> I hope you’ll enjoy the story!

Dick sighed in relief when he found Damian in a small room, just below the roof. He smiled, remembering he’d had the habit of hiding there, too, when he was a child. The room was just big enough for an armchair, a small bookcase and a roof window. It was different from the other rooms in the manor, and there was something comforting about the lack of space. 

“Can I come in?” he asked. 

Damian nodded. 

“Yes, but be quiet. I don’t want to scare her.” 

Before he could ask whom Damian was talking about, Dick noticed the small cat in a corner of the room. 

“Is she new?” he asked. 

Damian nodded again.

“Her caretaker had to go to the hospital and needed someone to look after her. He asked Kyle but she has too many cats and” he spat the name of the cat with a hint of disdain “ _Peanut Butter_ wasn’t comfortable with them. We figured she would feel better here, since the manor is big enough that she can be here and never run into Alfred.” 

Dick hummed and sat next to Damian on the ground, next to the armchair. Peanut Butter was looking at them. She was a small calico, and one of her ears had a dent, probably due to an injury. Still, she had kind eyes, and Dick could see why Damian would want to go with her after the night they had. 

Even though they had both been given the antidote and Bruce made sure no effect remained before discharging them from the cave medical aera, Scarecrow’s fear toxin was never pleasant to deal with. 

After a few minutes of silence, Damian asked, 

“Do you think she misses him?” 

“Hm?” 

“Do you think she misses her caretaker? Do you think she feels like he abandoned her?” 

Dick sighed, 

“I don’t know, it’s hard to tell what animals think.” 

Damian hummed. 

“Do you think your elephant misses you?” 

Something in Dick’s throat tightened at the mention of Zitka. 

“She’s spending her retirement at an elephant sanctuary,” he said, methodically, eyes on the wall. “It’s good. Life in the circus was… she was loved but it wasn’t good for her. It’s for the best.” 

Damian eyes were on him, sharp. Like the kid could see inside his soul. 

“Sometimes, people leave someone for what they think is the best. It doesn’t stop that someone from missing them, or feeling abandoned.” 

Dick had the feeling the conversation wasn’t about Zitka or Peanut Butter anymore. 

“Damian,” he asked very slowly, “what did you see, when you were under the influence of fear toxin?” 

Instead of answering, the kid looked up at him. 

“Grayson, do you remember your mother?” 

Dick’s chest tightened again, both at the memory of his mom and at the implication of Damian’s question. He had the conformation of whom they were talking about. Who the person who abandoned his little brother for his own good was. 

He took a deep breath, preparing himself to answer. 

“I… I don’t remember everything. I try to, but sometimes, I forget, and I don’t know anymore what is real and what is just memories I made up or reformed.” He shallowed his tears. He needed to be strong, at least for Damian. “But… I miss her, I miss them both and sometimes…” 

He took another breath. He’d never revealed what he was about to say to anyone, but he felt like Damian needed to hear this. Now or never, Grayson. 

“…Sometimes, especially in the beginning, I felt resentment. I felt abandoned.” He laughed nervously and failed to prevent a tear from falling into his cheek. “I mean, obviously it wasn’t their fault, but I felt like they went and left me alone. And I got angry at them.” 

He sighed and wiped his eyes. 

“In retrospect, that might be where my abandonment issues are coming from. Part of it, at least.” 

Well, leaving out the part where everyone and anyone in Gotham high society told him Bruce would leave him, and Bruce himself firing him. Those might have played a strong part in it too.

Damian stayed silent, so he offered more. 

“What I saw… When I was under the influence of fear toxin. I saw Bruce saying he should have left me in juvie, I saw Jason, _Robin_ Jason, telling me I wasn’t there for him, and it was my fault he was…” He swallowed. “And I saw you, telling me that I failed you, that I…” He bit back a sob. “Damian, I saw you with a sword up your chest, and you told me this would have never happened if Bruce had been your Batman from the beginning, and…” 

He was stopped by Damian’s hand on his arm. 

“Richard, you know this isn’t true, right? You know father is proud of you, you know Todd doesn’t blame you, and even if he might have, he was wrong, and you know I don’t blame you either, right? You know I don’t regret you being my first Batman, even if…” Damian’s eyes seemed a bit cloudy. “Even if…” 

“Damian,” Dick murmured. “What did you see?” 

The kid turned his head. His voice was maybe a little wet when he talked. 

“It doesn’t matter. It wasn’t real, and even if it happened, I know grandfather would just toss her in the pit.” 

Cold washed over Dick as he understood. He reached to take Damian in his arms, tucking his brother’s head on his shoulder. 

“Oh, kiddo, that’s a horrible thing to see, I’m so sorry.” 

Because, no matter if it was real or not, seeing a parent die was terrible. Dick could still hear the sound of the ropes breaking. He could still remember the smell of the cape after Superman brought it back. 

He heard sniffing in his shoulder. 

“Is it wrong? I’m happy here, but sometimes I miss her so much it hurts.” 

Dick just held him tighter, the situation was different, but he knew the feeling all too well. He barely heard the murmured, 

“No matter what I do, I’ll never be able to please both Father and Mother.” 

“Your father loves you, Damian, and he’s proud of you.” Dick replied on the same tone. “I know he has a hard time showing it, but he does. And your mother…” what could he tell the kid about Talia Al Ghul without risking a lie? The few times he met her they haven’t exactly been friends. “Your mother is a complicated person in an even more complicated situation.” That much he knew was true. “And I’m sure she tried to do what was best by leaving you here, to protect you from your grandfather. It doesn’t mean she was happy to do it.” 

“I wish it was different. I know this is selfish, wanting them both, complaining to _you_ , of all people…”

Dick kissed his forehead, effectively shutting him up. 

“This isn’t selfish, and you can complain. She’s still alive, but that doesn’t mean you can’t miss her. She was doing what she thought was right for you when she left you here, but that doesn’t mean you can’t resent her for it. Sometimes, we love and hate people at the same time, and it’s… complicated.” 

“I wish I wouldn’t feel that,” confessed Damian. “Sometimes I think hating her would be so much easier.” 

Dick hummed. “These are your feelings, and even if it hurts, you need to accept it.”

They stayed like that for a long time before Damian murmured, 

“Are you going to leave me too?” 

Dick kept holding him. They both knew that what they were doing was dangerous. He wouldn’t make empty promises.

“Never willingly.” 

It was the best he could do. It wasn’t enough, to either of them.

Peanut Butter went to smell Damian’s hand, before stretching and lying next to them. 

The three of them stayed like that for a long time. 

A little pile of lost children. 

Dick was still holding Damian when Bruce entered the room. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, so low Dick had to read his lips to understand. 

“We will be,” Dick replied mutely. 

If his father saw the tear tracks on his face, he didn’t say anything.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked the story! Many many thanks to Justjellyjackal for beta-reading!!


End file.
